


Jealousy and Regret

by moonbya



Series: Haikyuu!! Rare pair Week 2020 [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Freeform, Haikyuu!! Rare Pair Week 2020, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, POV Tsukishima Kei, Rushed, Shimizu Kiyoko my queen i am sorry, Tanaka Ryuunosuke ur so sexy ahaha, Teenagers, Tsukishima Kei suffers again, Tsukishima Kei's feelings, Tsukishima Kei-centric, Unrequited Crush, Victory, i winged this fic lol, idk what i wrote but i hope u like it, im kidding, no beta we die like men, no plot bc im cramming, no proofread, will prolly edit if i have the time (i prolly wont)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:35:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23943199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonbya/pseuds/moonbya
Summary: “I have time.”Kei frowns, that wasn’t the reply he was expecting. He wanted him to just shrug his worries off and say okay then leave him. He couldn’t explain why Ryuunosuke is scooting even closer to him. Kei’s eyes strayed from the floor when Kiyoko and Yachi passed by them; and he wonders why Ryuunosuke didn’t even glanced at their manager— his full attention focused on him.It’s unexpected and Kei hated it. He hated himself for allowing himself to be selfish and allow himself fall deeper.Kei was stupid to think that someone as consistent as Ryuunosuke will be consistent with him too. The next day he was met with disappointment. The next too, and the day after that, and it became an endless loop.
Relationships: Tanaka Ryuunosuke/Tsukishima Kei
Series: Haikyuu!! Rare pair Week 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1720675
Comments: 3
Kudos: 42





	Jealousy and Regret

**Author's Note:**

> Haikyuu!! Rare Pair Week  
> Day Four: Victory
> 
> \--
> 
> Here I am with another late submission ;((

Kei is scared of Ryuunosuke.

Well, not really scared but _overwhelmed_. Because he doesn’t understand; he can’t seem to understand how can someone be so constant and unwavering. In matches, he might not always shine, but when he does, Kei swore he’s the brightest on the court. To the point that he almost couldn’t stop staring— attracted like a moth to a flame.

For the longest time, Kei thought it was normal to hold that much respect and admiration to someone; it actually is. But things changed when Ryuunosuke began doing this little victory dances whenever Kei accomplished something— as if he’s celebrating every success, no matter how big or small.

That’s when Kei realized he’s fallen in love. To his upperclassman who is helplessly in love with someone else. So Kei did what he thought was right, distance himself from his senior. Every day, he suffers quietly with this ache in his heart whenever he watches him always run after their manager— he knows he doesn’t have the right. Heck, Ryuunosuke and him aren’t even that close.

But sometimes, Kei wishes that he’d be Kiyoko. Even just for a day. He’d want to have Ryuunosuke look at him as if his whole world revolves around him and nothing else. It must be nice to have someone not give up on Kei, no matter how much he turns them down. Though, it would be nicer if that someone is Ryuunosuke himself.

There are a lot of times Kei couldn’t help but think of things changing if maybe he met his senior earlier than Kiyoko did. Perhaps they’re closer, or maybe even in a relationship. But no. he can’t do anything but just breathe in jealousy whenever they interact.

He hates it.

Not her though. He could never, Kiyoko is such an angel.

Kei hates himself for not being able to let go of his feelings and keeping a blind eye so he could just keep on clinging on the thread that connects him and Ryuunosuke. But instead of adding to that thread, he pulls out a fiber whenever they talk; always pushing him away with his remarks. And Kei regrets it, every single night.

Today’s practice is no different from the usual. Kei is still alone in the corner as he watched his teammates pour their 120% despite having no practice matches in the near future, which is tentative but still, and he just can’t focus well with the turmoil in his head.

“Hey, Tsukishima. You okay?”

A voice that is, oh-so-familiar, called out to him; Kei looked up to see Ryuunosuke looking at him with innocent confusion, panting and soaked with sweat. “Yes.”

“You don’t look okay to me, though?”

Kei raised a brow as Ryuunosuke take a place to sit in front of him. And he tries his hardest not to let the blush appear on his cheeks. “What’s this? You actually know how to care for someone and not just intimidate them, huh?”Kei placed a hand on his lips, snickering.

Ryuunosuke’s cheeks flared red from embarrassment and Kei’s heart roars with adoration. “What the hell, can you at least say something properly and not just teasing! I’m trying to be the kind and reliable senior here, damn Tsukishima.”

_Sometimes I hope you know how I feel about you._

“This is so unlike you though.”

“I’ll pretend you didn’t say anything until you tell me what’s on your mind. Your play is making us feel on edge too, y’know?”

“…If I’ll ever tell you, I don’t even know where to start. My mind is in total chaos.” Kei finally decided to speak up after a train of silence between them too, his eyes trained to the ground— afraid that if he looked at him in the eyes he’ll just blurt out everything and ruin their junior-senior relationship.

Ryuunosuke shrugs, “I have time.”

Kei frowns, that wasn’t the reply he was expecting. He wanted him to just shrug his worries off and say okay then leave him. He couldn’t explain why Ryuunosuke is scooting even closer to him. Kei’s eyes strayed from the floor when Kiyoko and Yachi passed by them; and he wonders why Ryuunosuke didn’t even glanced at their manager— his full attention focused on him.

It’s unexpected and Kei hated it. He hated himself for allowing himself to be selfish and allow himself fall deeper.

“Don’t you think I should think of how I’ll manage this on my own since it is a ‘me’ problem?”

“Not really. I mean it’s totally okay to ask for help too.”

Kei was stupid to think that someone as consistent as Ryuunosuke will be consistent with him too. The next day he was met with disappointment. The next too, and the day after that, and it became an endless loop.

Each day, Kei watches how his crush gets closer with their manager, and he could only clench his fist out of jealousy from afar. He’s always wondered, _What does Shimizu-senpai has that I don’t? Why are you always choosing her? I’m the one who likes you more, why can’t you see that?_

Maybe, just maybe, if he confessed Ryuunosuke could finally acknowledge his feelings. Kei thought about it deeply, spent his nights thinking of how to confess his feelings instead of sleeping. Took him weeks before he could finally make a decision; if they won against Shiratorizawa, he’d confess.

They won.

But Kei turned back on his word.

_If we won the first round in the nationals, I swear I’d do it._

He didn’t. Until the fated match with Nekoma came; they were victorious. But Kei was still hesitating. The words can’t seem to pass his tongue; perhaps it was his gut telling him confessing his feelings won’t do him any good— it’ll only hurt him in the end. Kei didn’t listen.

“Tanaka-san…” He called out quietly, fiddling with his fingers out of nervousness. “Can we talk alone?” 

The second year raised a brow at how out of character Kei is acting right now, but he shrugged his shoulders and agreed. Once they were far enough from a crowd; Kei was once again having doubts. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, “I’ve thought about this for a while. One too many times actually, no matter how much I think otherwise; the result is still the same. Tanaka-san, I like you.”

Silence hugged the two tightly, and the fact that his usually loud senior is taking too much time in staying quiet made Kei feel uncomfortable under his own skin. “Um, you don’t—“

“You know I like Kiyoko-san, right? Tsukishima, I’m sorry…”

He knows this would happen, so why does his heart feels like its tearing apart? “I know,” he answered too quickly, “I just wanted it to get it off my chest. I’m sorry for bothering you, I’ll be going now. Please excuse me.” Kei bowed and jogged away. Regret eating him whole, the dumbfounded look on Ryuunosuke’s face keeps replaying in his mind and it hurts _so much_.

Kei felt lucky for being able to play well during the match against Kamomedai; but things didn’t end well. They weren’t victorious this time. And Kei felt his heart break the second time when he witnessed Kiyoko and Ryuunosuke together while he carries her bag.

Maybe confessing wasn’t a good idea at all. Maybe it would hurt less. Kei could only regret his decisions, within a blink, he was already watching his unrequited love get married to the person he loves the most— and Kei could only watch in jealousy and regret.


End file.
